I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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