Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.