four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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