there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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