I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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