Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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