I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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