Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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