We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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