All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
