Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
