in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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