Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
