lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
