well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize