Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
