the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
