i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
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and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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