Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
