I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
