It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
