I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
