Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
