Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
