I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
