...so i touched it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
