i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
