Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city