ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
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either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
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I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.