You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
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saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
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just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED