I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
