im six kinds of drunk right now
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
