Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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