She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
