Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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