i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
