Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
