my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
