While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
