ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
