So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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