you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
