They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
