i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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