have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
false alarm, still single
Randomize
