Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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