The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize