The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
