You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
