Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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