we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
