May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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