Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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