Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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