Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
