so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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