I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
