Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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