i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
