matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
