i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
