so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
