ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
