We won't sleep together?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
