Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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