Have you finally orgasmed yet?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
