There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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