the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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