ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
