i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
