i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
this hospital has no fireball
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
