I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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