I'm so fucking centered right now
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
