Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I am midnight drunk by noon
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
