It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
