just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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