I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
