I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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