I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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