My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
